Everyone Has a Story

I am starting this post with a quote from Jeff Prost, the host of Survivor. He said, "everyone has a story, and once you know their story, they make sense". When you think about it, the adversities a person faces during their lives, is their story. It is how a person molds and adapts to the challenges that they have faced in their lives that makes their story make sense.   

When I worked in Palliative Care, I would often say to a patient, "tell me your story". People's lives are fascinating, and at the end of life, it can be releasing to be given an opportunity to share about their life. As we age, we start to feel like our stories aren't very important. It is just an old person talking about the past. It is unbelievable what some people have been through in their lives. To be given an opportunity to share their story makes them feel like they made a difference, their life was worthy.      

Story tellers come in a variety pack. There are good story tellers, poor story tellers and then there are those that think that they are good story tellers but really aren't. My personal favorite is the long-winded storyteller. My attention span is very short, so I need a storyteller to get to the point quickly. A good storyteller will read the room. They start by listening to what others have to say. They determine if they should tell their story or not. If and when they decide to, everyone hears them, and hangs on every word, they make sense. 

If we were to write a chapter book about our lives, it would be divided into segments. The first chapter would start with our childhood or "growing up". There is often an influential person such as a teacher or best friend in this chapter. It is a very important chapter to becoming who you are today. Then we move into the next chapter, becoming an "adult". This chapter happens after high school. It is the first shot at being an adult, either going to secondary school, traveling or getting married. I think of it as a crossroad in our lives. I heard a saying once that went like this; "when you become an adult, it is your chance to leave the troubles of your childhood behind and become the person you want to be, or you can drag your troubles into adulthood and let them continue to affect you". The next chapter of life is "career building and becoming a parent". The chapter on being a parent is hard to write because it is all a blur of activities, confusion, mistakes and over all sleep deprivation. Career building is more structured and straight forward. The next chapter is "empty nest" which can be a huge adjustment. After years of devotion to your children, it is hard to realize your time is yours. Many decisions are made during this time. Travel, starting a life of living in warmer climates, lots of golf for some. It is a nice time. "Retirement" closes out the book of life. Right now, I am writing the Retirement chapter. The line that would appear often in my chapter would go something like this, "I can do that because I'm retired". As we wonder through life writing the various chapters, we realize so many people come and go in our lives. We have all met that person that we feel will be there "forever" to find out the next chapter they are gone. They were part of our lives for a reason; they had a big impact on us as we wrote that chapter of our lives. When a person reflects on the people that have come and gone in their lives it is staggering.  

I once heard a colleague of mine say, "it's not my story to tell". Those five little words were profound and have stuck with me. I think sometimes we forget to ask for permission to share a story. Gossip is toxic, mainly because it is not the true story. Details get lost in gossip and let's face it "was it your story to tell?". We all know the true character of a person if you ask them not to tell anyone, and they don't. Even better is when you don't have to ask, people just know, it's not their story to tell.  

I use the word, "norm" to describe a person's life story. A normal life for some may be inconceivable to others. Many people deal with what can be described as a "difficult norm". To them, it is their life story, and they are unaware there is any other way to live. Their life makes sense to them. It takes considerable work to break the cycle of any family norm, but it can be done. 

Storytelling is a chance to shape identity, connect with others and preserve history. People's stories are amazing. When we encourage others to tell their story, it is a game changer, they make sense to us.