Disconnected

Millions of Canadians are lonely. The World Health Organization defines loneliness as "the social pain of not feeling connected". It predicts both lower mental and physical health. Research shows that lacking a sense of social connection is the same health risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 

Dr. Jody Carrington is a psychologist from Olds Alberta. She is well known, and I love the way she thinks. She said that we have never been so disconnected in the free world as we are right now. It is an epidemic. She feels that staying connected in this human race is the most direct route to happiness. 

Connection is easy and she suggests, wave to your neighbor, buy coffee for the person behind you. She has written a book, "Feeling Seen". It is on reconnection, repair or re-engage. Dr. Jody says, "when we are feeling seen, we will rise". 

In some homes there isn't a dining room, and because of that it has been identified as one of the reason people are lonely. There is no place to come together and eat as a family. Even with a dining room, families are busy and sitting together for a meal may not happen. Eating together as a family is a time to share the day's activities and discuss life. There are a variety of reasons that people end up eating alone. Loss of a partner through death or divorce are often the reason. Many women who once cooked for their family and then for two, are now preparing just for themselves. Eating alone can be a time where loneliness is felt the most.    

 I read one of the things to overcome loneliness is to call old friends. Reconnection is powerful. I recently called an old friend. It had been 13 years, yep 13 since I had been in contact. I was a bit nervous about doing it because of the many years since I had reached out. I knew I had to be honest and that I was. I admitted I wasn't very proud of the fact that it had been so long. Once I got the confession over, it was an amazing conversation. Old friends know your story, and you know theirs, you don't have to explain anything. "Call anytime" was how the conversation ended. 

One of the things that has made me feel connected is my new communities of friends. I had three new community groups come into my life in one year. My gym group are all over 60, the volunteer group is young, and the Waves of Hope group is a mix. It is not about the workout or the paddling or the activity, it is about the conversation before and after that makes me feel connected. People are so interesting and what they bring to a community is remarkable.  

During the pandemic we had to be disconnected. I feel some of that disconnect remains. Many people admit that they are just not as social as before, I would be one of those people. Social as in, I don't host like I did pre-pandemic. I am so glad I have new communities in my life. Many people have large families, and those obligations leave little opportunity to develop other communities. New people and new communities will come into your life when they are meant to. You may have to work at making them welcome or facilitating an entry. It is so healthy to have connections. If you think you need more connections and community, you have to get out there and make it happen; it will not seek you out. Believe me, you will never regret that decision.