2023 is here

It is here, the first day of 2023.  It is really special as it is on a Sunday, the first day of the week, month and year all on the same day.  I feel pretty confident that we will have a great year because this only happens every six of seven years.  I am wishing each and everyone of you the best year you can possibly have.  I have always looked forward to pushing the reset button on January 1 and I am doing it again.  Good bye 22 hello 23. 

This year I have decided my reset will not include making a list of goals and resolutions. I have always made long lists of what I was going to do in the new year.  I even have lovely journals to document them in a grand fashion.  All to soon I am ignoring the journals and what they contain and shortly, I have forgotten what I was planning to do.  Formerly, if I heard someone say they didn't make New Year Resolutions, I had to slow my breathing down, and convince myself, some people don't and you have to understand that it ok.  I just felt like it was a missed opportunity for them. I have decided that this year I am going to do something new.  I am going to change my way of living and follow the 7 Cardinal Rules in Life. By changing my way of living I am allowing good things to come to me, not me go to them.  Many of the rules are already a practice of mine, but I always need a little reminder and I look forward to becoming familiar with the new ones.  

1. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up your present. 

There is no one on earth that hasn't had their personal battles.  I feel battles make us stronger and help us to appreciation what we do have.  I just read a comment that people with depression live in the past.  I reflected on the words for some time and realized how it is so true.  It is and can be very hard to make peace with the past.  It takes a tremendous amount of forgiveness, not only to yourself but to others.  If this Cardinal rule speaks to you, however you choose to make peace, I have faith you will feel calmer moving forward into the new year.    

                      

2. What others think of you is none of your business. 

Have you ever heard of anything so foolish.  The first time I heard this, I was gobsmacked!  Just imagine, we wouldn't have to worry about what other people actually think of us. I find I have to repeat this line in my head, more often than I want.  I have quoted it to others and if they haven't heard it before they have the same reaction as I did, somewhat stunned. It is a beauty and I hope it is something you will embrace. It is so very freeing to realize people can think what they want and simply none of our business.  

  

3. Time heals almost everything, give it time.

Giving anything time is a really hard thing to do.  We want to feel better faster than time will allow.  Loss comes to my mind as something that takes time to overcome.  Loss comes in many forms, and loss of a loved one has to be the hardest. To lose a child is a pain no parent ever wants to endure, nor should they have to. For those parents, they just develop a new way of living with the grief, they never heal. They are so brave and must suffer in silence.  The most recent loss for our family was Mom's home.  Fire causes you to grieve the things that were destroyed.  You not only lose your home and belongings, but for Mom it was her lifestyle, her villa family and her town. Time is certainly helping her heal from that experience.  There is also a loss of a marriage or relationship.  I was told for every 5 years you were with someone you need 1 year to get over that person.  That was certainly a "wow" moment for me.  Loss of a pet is another difficult loss. Having a pet is a daily dose of unconditional love.  Being a good pet owner takes far more devotion and work than anyone without pets can ever realize.  Like all losses saying goodbye to your pets is hard and takes time to get over.  A continued devastating loss is to watch a loved one slowly loose their soul to a neurological disease such as dementia and Alzheimer.  Their person is still here, but sadly they become someone they never wanted to be and the caregiver is grieving the person they once knew.  There is never a good time to get such a diagnosis but if received at a younger age, the loss of retirement plans and hopes and dreams to grow old together are gone.   The list of loss is long and I hope if this is your year to heal, time will help you.  

 

4.  Don't compare your life to others, and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 

I have come to believe that very few people have lived a charmed life.  I feel that everyone has a story.  Some of that story they are willing to share and some of it they will never share.  That is their journey in life.  Some people may have beat unimaginable odds to become the person they are or they just couldn't beat those odds.  Whatever their story is, we must remember not to judge the ending.  I feel very passionate about this Cardinal Rule.  

The mental health issues are mounting.  Some of the problems that my city faces are: the uncontrolled drug problem, escalating crime, homelessness, lack of ability to work or not enough income to support a family.  These problems are spiraling out of control with no apparent solutions.  Insurmountable issues that those of us that are lucky enough to live comfortably may find it hard to understand.  I know for me, I am going to have to work on this one. How does a person take that first hit of meth or end up on the street?  I have nothing but admiration for those people with stories of overcoming the worst situations.  They are a good reminder to me, to understand the journey that people have been on and why life has been or is so hard for them.  I just find that I have nothing to offer to solve the problems, I just have to understand the magnitude and have hope that some solution will eventually come. 

5.  Stop thinking to much.  It's alright not to know the answers.  They will come to you when you least expect it. 

Have you ever had those moments when a solution pops into your head? I get most of my ideas and inspirations when I am around water. I have found that clarity will come once I stop trying to force an answer.  If I need to make a decision or revisit a conversation I "sleep on it".  I can say or do the wrong thing when I make a quick decision.  Problems never seem as big in the morning and they make more sense first thing in the morning.  I have a bit of a motto and it goes like this "once you try to control a situation, the situation controls you".  I have to remind myself of that line, when I try to make something happen that is out of my control.  Once I decide to let it go and calm down, a solution does happen.  It may not be the best but it is a solution.  Another motto I like is "god speaks through other people".  Often total strangers have the answer, if you are really listening.  What ever you use to have an epiphany, don't overthink it, just pay attention to what is happening around you. 

6. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

I have already devoted a whole post to this.  I guess it an important thing for me to practice moving forward into 2023, because it keeps popping up. I hope you are going to make your happiness a priority in the new year.  

7.  Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world. 

At one point I would walk from my apartment to the University.  I would smile and speak to everyone I met.  The response was fascinating.  Some people before I met them would drop their heads so they didn't have to make eye contact with me.  Some people would speak first and some were visibly shocked at me speaking to them.  But, most would smile back.  It feels good to smile.  Life seems less problematic when you are smiling.  

The second part of this is to realize you don't own the problems of the world.  I am basically not a person to worry.  I read that people with anxiety or worry live in the future, how profound.  I have people in my life who worry about things I was unaware that you should worry about.  I have come to realize if you worry, you can't help it.  That is how you are programmed.  I am glad my wiring is different because I would totally suck at being a worrier.  Although, I have always said, if I am worried the situation is dire. When I do decide that I should rethink the past, I get in my head and it consumes me.  I am certainly one of those people that does their best work during the night  

I hope that you have lots of things in your life that make your smile. Give the problems back to the person, place or thing that owns them and just smile.  

  

Today we have kicked 2022 to the curb and we have a wonderful new year to deal with.  Life is about choices and today I choose to make this a good year.  I hope that is your decision as well.  

                               

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