"Spiraling in all Directions"

On one episode of "Schitt'$ Creek", David described his partner's behavior as "spiraling in all directions". I grabbed right on to the line as I could see lots of potential use for it. My old line, "I know I am doing stupid things; I just can't stop myself" has served its time. It needed to be replaced, and I am now moving on to, "spiraling in all directions". 

In reflection, the spiraling began right after I turned 68. Not one 68-year-old admitted that there is an adjustment period to go from 67 to 68, so I was taken off-guard. As I write this, I am now in my new phase for several weeks, and I think the adjustment is made. Although, I may have only gotten used to the spiral and consider it my new normal, but things are better.  

I was two weeks into being 68, when I really noticed an issue. It was the day I had made an appointment for my covid and flu shots. It was an important appointment; important in that I had an appointment card as well as it was written on my calendar. I arrived 15 minutes early. Good thing because when she asked me if I had completed the form, she had given me, I had to admit I did not. Once that was completed, I hung out ready to be called. I did notice another woman announce she was there for her shots, clearly, she had done her form at home. I did think they were booking quite tightly, but I convinced myself probably because it doesn't take long for each person. The pharmacist then asked me who I was, and when I told him he said they were expecting me at 10:30. My first thought was they had made the mistake. That lasted maybe a nano second, which I have just learned is a billion of a second. I had arrived for what I thought was a 11:30 appointment. He said not to worry, he would fit me in. He asked me to wait in the cafeteria until he was ready. I assured him I would be right over there in the cafeteria and to take as much time as he needed. I did as I was told, for once, and I sat quietly in the cafeteria until it was my turn. I contemplated how so much had gone wrong with this whole thing. What was the lesson to be learned about this. As promised the pharmacist called me. He was so nice and assured me that "it happens". If he only knew that "it happens" was because I thought, I knew what I was doing. The really sad part here is, I had made a list of appointment times for the day, just so I arrived when I was supposed to. I had an unusually high number of 3 appointments, and I ended up with a 2/3 outcome. There were a lot of factors that created this error. I didn't look at the appointment card, I glanced at the calendar but didn't read it because in mind I was convinced, I had the right time. Arriving an hour late without your homework complete is a very poor showing.

I am the type of person that likes to be in command of her own ship. But, for some reason there are occasions where I think I know, and don't even check. I am so confident that I have it right, why would I even waste the time to look at the calendar. Then I show up at the pharmacy at the wrong time and I am back quadruple checking. I guess when you are 68 you can't assume anything.   

About that same time, I decided that I would knit a sweater for my great great nephew due in February. That meant I would go through my container of yarn. I am like a crazy woman when I get into my stash. I always think, this is the year I will use up all of my yarn. I have to get creative because I have imposed rules about the yarn stash. No more buying of yarn until my stash is gone. After some consideration I had the yarn picked out as well as the pattern. I got halfway through knitting the back, and I decided that I was aborting the plan and changing to another pattern and different yarn. I barely had Plan A started, and with very little thought, I had spiraled into Plan B. I started knitting the second back when I spiraled again and decided I was going back to Plan A. I now had a back for 2 different sweaters and then spiraled back to the original plan. This is not like me; I don't have more than one knitting project on the go. For what reason I was skipping from one to the other remains unknown. Just a situation of spiraling with decision making, I guess.  

I have always said once you make a decision, stick with it. It may not be the right one, but you just have to make it work. I have also said, to name the date you are making a decision and commit on that date. I guess this practice is something I recommend to others because my decision making is not as straight forward as it used to be.  

There are times I am so on top of things. If it is complicated, no issues, I got it. If I am doing things for others nothing spirals at all. I am locked in and focused. The trouble starts when it is just me in my world that things can get spiraling. I do believe the words, "pay attention" apply to me. My attention span is often off and perhaps it may be the cause of some of my troubles.  

I wish I thought of the word "spiraling" before. I love it and it explains so much about a person's behavior. Now you are aware of it, and no doubt love it as much as I do. Feel free to use it as much as you care to. You can also use the quote, "spiraling in all directions" if the need arises. Just think when someone asks you how your day is and it has been bad, you can say, "I'm spiraling in all directions".  

I am hoping you have enjoyed this blog, and it has brightened your day. I am also really hoping you have spiraling moments; I just hate the thought that I may be the only one that gets herself into situations for one reason or another.