Read the Room

There are three settings in which reading the room is required: social gatherings, business meetings and public speaking engagements. 

We have all been in a room listening to the same person talk, often about themselves, oblivious to the fact that they are dominating the conversation. We have also been in conversations about a topic that only the person speaking understands what they are talking about. When a conversation is started and it doesn't include everyone, or everyone is not contributing it is time to read the room.   

It seems to happen naturally when genders separate and have their own conversations. Historically, it was men in the living room, women in the kitchen. I have found that I love the conversations that result when both genders are sitting together just talking. I know the way I think will be challenged more, and the topics are more diverse. Being included or including everyone in a conversation is not as easy as it sounds. The line I like to use for those that are quiet is, "tell me about". Everyone has a story to tell, I want to make sure they have a chance to do that.   

I could never testify in a court of law because I am not a detail person. I skip all the details, telling and listening, I focus on the meat of the story. Sharing detail has to fit the room. Some people love it, and you know it when they say, "tell me everything don't miss a thing". I am finding that I don't have the ability to re-tell other people's stories like I used to. When I hear a story, I am so amazed I can't wait to share. When the time comes for me to re-tell their story, I can't remember exactly what they said. Dad used to say, "I can't repeat stories anymore, because I won't get them right". That is me!!!! Let's be honest, this is a retirement blog, so if you can't remember the 3 things on your grocery list, remembering the details of someone else's story, or even your own story, is probably not going to happen. 

When I run a meeting, I use this technique to read the room, by having everyone introduce themselves by answering one of my questions. I have found over time I have to be specific about what the question will be. Depending on the room, I use the following: "on a scale of 1-10, how is your day so far", "tell me something you do when you aren't working" or my most recent one, "what do you like to do in retirement". I have found that having questions that are totally irrelevant to the meeting will give me a good read of the room. Throughout the meeting, I continue to read the room. It is key for me to know when I am losing people and why. Meetings can be productive if they are organized and controlled. If I use the scale of 1-10 as an introductory question, I re-ask that question at the end. The results will give me a good read of the room for the next time.     

I believe the best guest speakers are those that read the room long before they even start to prepare for their presentation. We have all heard the statement, "you could hear a pin drop". That is what you want your room to be like when you are a guest speaker. I don't have the world's best attention span and so keeping my attention can be difficult. But it does happen. How to make it happen is for the speaker to be dynamic and tell me stories. The goal for being a guest speaker is for the audience to learn something and be inspired. Mixing facts with stories is a win/win in my world. 

I think it was around the time I was in Grade 7. Many, many decades ago to say the least. School never came easily to me, and taking a subject like Social Studies was not anything I could retain. History simply didn't interest me nor my brain. Then along came Mr. S. He stood at the front of the room, had his facts written on the board, and it began, he told stories. Stories so we could remember the facts. I learned so much from that man. He read the room and captivated all of us by his story telling. We actually learned something, even the daydreamers like me. I remember thinking, "when I am a teacher, I will teach just like Mr. S". 

That day came and when I worked with students, I would consistently say, "I can tell you a story about that". Let's face it, I had been on the streets of nursing for a very long time, and I had become street smart. I read the room, and I knew that one story could change the whole learning experience.   

In closing, think about this: are you the type of person that reads the room before the people arrive in your room? Do you read a room the minute you arrive in a room? I have been in so many situations where I don't know another person in the room, reading the room is survival for me. I always appreciate those people that are also reading the room and make sure I am comfortable in that room. I may not remember your name, but I will remember your story and I will always remember how I felt in your room.