Feeling Helpless

 

Recently, I heard a man describe his sense of helplessness as he watched his wife and unborn child nearly died during childbirth. As he was reliving this experience, he was overcome with emotion.  He identifies himself as a changed man from that day forward. He practices being grateful and realizes he needs to go after his dreams.  

In varying degrees most of us have had an experience that resulted in an overwhelming sense of helplessness. We recall the moments exactly as they happened, and every second is permanently embedded in our mind. It is very similar to having PTSD and may have a variety of reactions because of it.   

I have been thinking a lot about some old friends who recently lost their grandson in a tragic accident. I realize when I think of them, it means I am praying for them, but that isn't enough. Their sad situation is a reminder of how quickly one second can change your life. Everyone that knows this family is dealing with the same sense of helplessness as they seek out ways to ease their pain. Sadly, we know that feeling all too well. Every time we hear of an untimely death we want to help. Making and delivering food, sending a sympathy card and other efforts are all we can do. It may help ease our sense of helplessness for the moment and we seem to need that.    

We all know the person or perhaps you are that person, the strong one. The strong one struggles in silence and is the soldier that is there for everyone else. The sense of sadness and helplessness is the same for them, but somehow, they can function through it. I think in every situation, there is a strong one. We all know them, head down supporting everyone else, taking care of details, They are the person you ask for help and know it will be done. In a situation where there are so many that need support, often the strong one is overlooked and they are ok with that. I just hope someone is there when the strong one isn't strong anymore.   

I am sure as the fire rages in Alberta, and other parts of Canada, there is a huge sense of helplessness. As those people make the decision to leave their home or stay for a bit longer, a feeling of helplessness must be very common. How do you even decide what you are going to take with you, what is truly valuable at a time of evacuation. There is also the fear of coming back to what? They have to leave their animals behind in the hopes that they know how to survive, and the list goes on. 

Let's take a moment to look at all the unsung heroes in these catastrophic situations. The men and women who have dedicated their lives to helping others by becoming a firefighter. The volunteers that have stepped up to the plate and are out there doing what they can. The hours every day these people put in, with intense heat and exhausting work, is nothing short of remarkable. But at the end of each day the fire wins and rages on, how helpless must they feel.  

I am never clear why it is it takes so long to get the army in to help. I heard once they have to be requested by the Government. That would explain it, wouldn't it now. The military are here to protect us, they are trained to respond to emergencies no matter what type. What if we just let the people that know how to respond, respond. Let them work and ease the total exhaustion of those people that have been fighting for weeks. 

As I was wandering around on google for this topic, I came across a lot of information about how helpless people feel when they are depressed. I hadn't even considered that as part of this post. I feel we have all had times in our lives where we feel hopeless and helpless, for others it is a way of life. Learned helplessness is a condition in which a person has a sense of powerlessness, from a traumatic event or persistent failure to succeed. It is thought to be one of the underlying causes of depression. Depression is on the rise and there are so many factors leading to it. I have a sense of temporary depression as I buy groceries, waves of it occur when I fill my vehicle up with gas but basically that is all for me. The economy is frightening to say the least and I can see how depression can easily set in. What a horrible feeling of helplessness if you can't feed your family. I have heard so many members of the baby boomers and older age group say, "we didn't have much but I was never hungry". 

                                                                           

I joined a Facebook group called Mutual Aid. It is a spot where you can ask for help and offer help. I find this group a reality check for me. How humbling must it be to ask for food for your children. As with all groups, there are those that need everything and are quick to ask for donations. Sadly, this makes people unfollow the group. I choose to pay attention to the way the request is written. If they write comments like l will pay it forward, or this is very difficult for me to write, it gets my attention more. Eventually, I will see them giving back to someone else in need. They are doing the best they can.  

As with most posts, once I start to write I am never sure where the words will take me. Most of the quotes stated if you feel helpless, help someone. That speaks to the basics of caring and sharing. We have all been in a hopeless and helpless situation. I draw on that time to remind myself how I turned it around. Who helped me and how did they help me. When someone I know is feeling helpless, I like to reach out as quickly as I can with a written message. I don't dodge the issue because it is uncomfortable, or I don't know what to say. No one does but that person needs me to be honest and just say it. For some reason, the things I feel that may bring comfort to others are: a book, coffee or breakfast foods. I remember the many visitors that arrived to see Mom after her fire, with a gift in hand. It said to Mom, I don't know how to help you but here is a start to rebuilding your home and your life. In many cases of personal helplessness, it's the daunting job of rebuilding another life that is overwhelming. After a disaster happens, life as you knew it is forever changed. I know I could write and write about this topic, but I am leaving you with your own thoughts. When you think, "I need to do this", reach out and help someone.