5 minutes or 3 weeks

My good friend and I had an interesting discussion following her recent attendance at a family funeral.  The conversation centered around the Priest's following words.  He said "some people are dead who are here on earth, they love no one here and no one loves them.  If you are dead, it's physical, as long as you talk about the deceased they are alive." 

                                        

I found the Priest's words to be thought provoking and I have spent considerable time processing what his words mean to me.  I know at the time of death, one of the family concerns is that their loved one will be forgotten. Families have several ways of making sure that doesn't happen.  Sharing stories and pictures on social media is the most popular.  Many have a bigger plan and have parks or facilities built in their memory.  Other families develop a bursary or awards that are given out yearly at an educational institution or sporting event. All of these ideas and so many more, do work, we don't forget their loved one. 

                                   

Until I had that conversation with my friend, I have never given it any thought of how we keep people alive following their death. I guess I never realized that when we speak of a deceased person, we share stories and memories and in those stories that person is vivid and very alive!    

I have come to realize when I share a story about people that have died, I tell it just like they are still here physically.  A good friend was 32 years old when he died in a car accident.  He was a friend to everyone, had a great sense of humor and just made you feel happy when you were around him.  Anyone that knew him, is like me, they have lots of stories to share.  They are all laden with love and laughter just the way he lived his life. His accident was in 1987, and was a devastating loss to the community.  Since that day we continue to share stories, even though he is not here physically, we think of him when he was alive, making us smile and laugh. I feel that everyone has lost this type of friend, and just know they are so very alive through stories that are told.    

Social media is a great place to share pictures and memories.  When I see anniversary or birthday pictures of a deceased family member when they were healthy and happy, it makes me happy as well.  I start to remember my stories about that person and what they meant to me. There can't be a bigger tribute to anyone than having hundreds of Facebook friends all thinking of that person with a smile.  

I have a little four year old boy in my life.  His Grandma died when he was two and a half.  He often speaks of his Grandma and always has the answer for any questions about her.  For him, he knows he can't physically see his Grandma, but she is alive in his little world, apparently riding a blue bike somewhere.  His parents have done an admirable job of telling him stories about his Grandma and often respond to him with many of her quirky quotes, just like she would have said them. This little man's beloved Baba J, is alive and well in his little heart.  

A year ago, a cousin of mine was diagnosed with cancer and from that day until the day of his death it was only 3 weeks. When his brother spoke at his funeral he asked the question "what would you do if you had only 3 weeks to live?".  The Priest at the funeral my friend attended, ended the service by asking everyone "if you were told you had 5 minutes to live what would you do?".

                                          

I know for my cousin, once he knew he was gravely ill,  he spent his time surrounded by family.  He made many Facetime calls to those important people in his life and said his good-byes.  He posed for dozens of pictures as he knew it would be a treasure for his loved ones moving forward. His family have shared so many of those photos on the Anniversary date of his death.  What a wonderful tribute to his life and for all of us it is honor to be included in celebrating his memory. Sharing stories after death is keeping that person alive and whole in our hearts.  It is comforting to be able to talk about the deceased, laugh, cry however it turns out, but it is keeping their memory alive.  

This is one of my favorite stories, as told to me by a friend.  Her mother, became very ill and her lungs were being mechanically supported to function. Her Mom made her own decision to bravely discontinue the support that was keeping her alive. Before that was done, she took the time to call her brother, nieces, nephews and other special people in her life to say her good-byes. For anyone that knew this woman, this was no surprise and just proved what a classy lady she truly was.  I can't imagine the wonderful memory those family members have of those final moment having the chance to say good-bye.  

We are given many reminders that we don't know how much longer we have to live.  We are encouraged to live life as if we only have 5 minutes or 3 weeks.  How can we make that a practice in our lives.  That answer is elusive, if you took five minutes right now to say what you would do, how would your list look?   

 

Five minutes is not a lot of time.  I believe many of us would waste some or all of that time thinking because we haven't made a plan.  I shouldn't speak for everyone, but I certainly didn't have a plan. This is only speculation, but if I was given five minutes I would make as many phone calls that I could and say my good-byes. If given more time, even 24 hours or better I would have a grander plan.  I think I would do a social media post.  It would include my true feelings about the end of my life and what people have meant to me during my lifetime. I would call and say goodbye to the important people in my life.  Get my papers out and bravely walk towards my demise.  It is a meager plan but I do feel that is what I would do.                               

I was honored to spend time with my cousin in his last few weeks.  I have always said you learn so much about living from the dying.  The first lesson was during a conversation in which I asked him "if this doesn't work out how do you want people to remember you?".  He took some time to answer and then said "people can remember me how ever they want".  I have asked that question so many times in my career and I had never received his answer before. I have never thought of how people will remember me.  I am like my cousin and want people to remember how ever they want.  The one thing I do know is anyone that has met me has at least one or many "Faye" stories to share. Right now I am physically alive and I hope those stories of me, make you smile, laugh, or feel warm and fuzzy as you think of them.  How do you want to be remembered?